For the past few months, I've spread myself over several internet mediums: Facebook, Twitter, LiveJournal, Tumblr, Blogspot, Vimeo, YouTube, etc. The list will continue as long as I've got an internet connection.
Today I was musing over where I should post my more melancholy topics. Usually I post them to LiveJournal, but this is somewhat Ireland related. I don't want to post them to Tumblr because the obnoxious 15 yr olds who lurk there will yell at me for being depressed and angsty. (Which is bullshit, by the way.) I can't post them to Facebook because no one likes to read moody status updates. Twitter is only 140 characters at a time.
So guess what, guys?
YOU ALL GET IT. CONGRATUALTIONS.
Lately, I've been rather down about being here. It's not homesickness, if that's what you're thinking. I'm just bored. There wasn't enough schoolwork from the class I just finished to keep me interested. I don't have a lot of my usual hobbies here. I've resorted to shopping which is hurting my family financially because I can't think of anything else to do. I went on a retail therapy trip where I will not divulge how much I spent, but it was quite a bit more than I wanted to.
Now, I know what you're thinking: you're in Ireland. I'm in (insert dull State here) and you're in Ireland. What do you have to complain about?
Well, I'm fucking bored. Last night, I slathered my face in hideous make-up because I was going stir-crazy in my room. Today, I bought embroidery floss and made myself a Ravenclaw anklet. (The Ravenclaw thing is a whole other story, too!) I've been sitting in my room for the majority of the day and my ass is not happy.
Most of my friends live pretty far from me. I can't go see if they're available on a whim like I could in the dorms, per se. As much as I love my roommates, I need communication with some Americans as well.
Perhaps the neediest thing I will say is that I am severely lacking on physical affection. I'm a very touchy person and I love hugs. I feel like I have very few friends here who do hugs as frequently as I do. Those who read this more than likely know how touchy-feely I am. It's difficult to assess someone's physical affection comfort level when you've only known them for a few weeks for a few hours a day.
As you know, I'm fucking weird. I take extreme pride in being fucking weird. The problem here is that it's really hard to be fucking weird in a country where you're trying to not act American or look American or sound American. I know the Irish are incredibly sarcastic. That's great. However, I don't know my boundaries on being weird and saying/doing weird things. Could there be a cultural difference? It's also difficult with the Americans because we all come from profoundly different backgrounds. I've only found a couple people who totally understand my oddness. I usually get this look from the other Americans:
|The questioning, confused eyebrow raise|
|The uncomfortable, tight-lipped smile|
Lynda and I have pinpointed a specific problem we've run into while being here and that's nearly all the men and women from the U.S. look and act the same. Luckily for us, Garfunkel & Oates has a song that fits that exactly.
I just... I don't know what to do. I don't have that social base to just call someone up and go hang out.
Real school starts on Monday. Let's hope it gets better.